FOMO

FOMO: What is it? Well, other than a song by pop-punk group The Bombpops, it is Fear Of Missing Out. This can show up in a variety of ways but is most associated with what we see on our friends' social networking sites. This idea that people are out there living their best lives while you're stuck at home scrolling through Facebook or Instagram when you could be out at the beach or riding your bike or literally doing anything else. While FOMO is a real level of anxiety, the truth is that it doesn't have to be. When you realize that most people are editing the content of their sites to show only the best things that they're doing or the best sides of their relationships, you start to see that those people are just like you. And like you, they probably spend a significant amount of time scrolling through other people's feeds wishing they were doing the things they see in those pictures just like you.

One place I have personally seen FOMO show up in is in relationships. There is a recent developing in dating called "cushioning" where someone will begin a relationship but will continue texting other individuals or flirting. The idea here is that they are allowing themselves a cushion just in case the new relationship doesn't work out. I think this is a great example of FOMO in that the person is unwilling to commit to the new relationship just in case a better option presents itself. What if they commit and they miss out on this other person? I have had it done to me on a few occasions and as a result I think it has shifted my behavior to start cushioning myself. You can call it a trust issue perhaps, but I prefer to look at it as, "I have seen this before and I refuse to be blindsided by it again." I am not proud of it and I really do want to be in a place where I can have a relationship built on mutual trust and communication, but in the present time it seems that is becoming more and more rare.

In this way, I think this is where FOMO personally affects me. I understand that most of the pictures posted on Facebook or Instagram of people in relationships are just the best parts of that relationship. They don't show the fights or the random bouts of depression from one or both partners. They don't show the times one of you laughed so hard that you spit water out on the other person or when you found out that one of you snorts when you laugh. But that's just it. Even though you're only showing the best parts and editing out the not so great, you still have the not so great and I wish I had that. I've been back in California for nearly 4 years now and while I've been in school for most of that time, I've still managed to go on hikes, bike rides, and participated in numerous concerts for both band and choir. Only once during that time, for a brief period, have I even had someone to talk to about my experiences let alone share my journey with. As I get older I fear that my window to eventually meet someone to be a partner is closing quicker with each passing year. My birthday is next month and while I do expect the generic happy birthday posts on Facebook, it would be truly something to actually be able to spend it with someone special. Maybe next year.